Perhaps this makes it sound like my life is miserable and directionless right now, but I really don't think I'd describe it as bad as all that. As I said before I feel my life is moving in a direction, I just don't know what that direction is, or what it's going to mean for me.
But also, I can't say I know why I'm trying to transform my life into this form I can't perceive. As I imagine a lot of artists and writers will tell you (particularly the great ones) the act of creation isn't so much a choice as it is a compulsion. So, maybe I'll never know for sure what I want or why I want it.
Hopefully I'll forgot about all those stupid questions once I get whatever it is.